Emo middle schoolers1/1/2024 ![]() ![]() I may have struggled with a lack of belonging, but my music reminded me that somewhere, someone was looking out for me.Īnd through further exploration on the internet, I found a community of kids who, like me, used emo music as a coping mechanism. It was a sign that I, too, was capable of pushing through the depressive state I found myself trapped in. To know that there were others - especially adults - who went through the same things I was and had not only made it out of those dark places, but were now thriving, meant the world to me. I didn’t feel like I could talk about these things with my parents, so the artists who sang about loneliness and sadness were the first adults I’d been introduced to who knew what I was going through. I first experienced depression and anxiety around 6th grade, but since I’d never been taught what they were, I didn’t have a word for it - until I found emo music. ![]() Emo music was a shout back from the void, telling me I wasn’t worthless or invaluable like I had started to tell myself over and over. When I first heard All Time Low’s “Missing You” and listened as lead singer Alex Gaskarth sang, “Now don’t lose your fight, kid, it only takes a little push to pull on through, with so much left to do, you’ll be missing out, and we’ll be missing you,” I felt a sense of comfort that had become foreign. It served as a processing outlet for the strange feelings I was developing - feelings I couldn’t voice. I typically wrote my thoughts and feelings into poems and short stories, but emo music was the first time I heard songs that reflected how I felt inside. When you’ve been raised on mundane Coldplay and innocent pigtails, it’s hard to ignore the allure of leather jackets and mosh pits.ĭespite the near-deafening volume of drums, guitar and yelling in most emo songs, the lyrics were the loudest to me. So when it came time for me to find some sort of individual identity, I can’t help but wonder if I just went for shock value. At that point in my life, the clothes I wore, my interests and music taste were all based off my parents’ preferences. When you’re heading into a new school with a bunch of new people, it seems like the perfect time to do a decent amount of self-rebranding. ![]() ![]() My fascination with emo culture originated around the time I began middle school. No, I worshipped what emo-Tumblr called “The Holy Trinity:” Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance.Ĭombine Panic! At the Disco’s ridiculous song titles and never-ending theatrics, Fall Out Boy’s quasi-rock sound and mega-hottie bassist Pete Wentz with My Chemical Romance’s depressing lyrics, and you’re looking at the stars of Phoebe’s Spotify playlists. Now, I’ll clarify for the sake of my own reputation that I’m not talking about “screamo” - screams of bloody murder over ear-decimating background guitar. I knew I wasn’t cool in the eyes of my friends or family or kids at school, but the music I listened to made me feel like a different person - not the quiet, short, insecure girl I was. Starting seventh grade, I was around 5’3 and felt like a total nobody, so whisper-screaming songs about the “bloody heartbreak of love” and hammering air guitar in my bedroom made me feel kind of cool. But even though I’ve grown out of the emo phase, I refuse to compromise on one thing: emo music, which gave me a sense of security I was sorely lacking in middle school, still deserves a place in my playlists. My friends give me a lot of crap for how cringey I used to be with my flower crowns and band T-Shirts. It’s a scene I retrospectively roll my eyes at, just as I do thinking about the rest of that day - how I listened to my “emo favorites” playlist on full volume through the tangled wires of my headphones on the bus ride to school and shied off the weird looks I garnered from wearing a beanie in gym class. Halfway through seventh-grade, and I’m sitting on the floor of my bedroom lacing up my brand-new, black high-top Converse shoes, wondering what my friends will think of my freshly-dyed, bright-red hair. ![]()
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